


I wish you could see this light

by cametha



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Misunderstandings, Protective Kara, alex and lena are roomies, jealous lena, lenas like really gay, maggie only mentioned in passing, mon el appears only to get his ass beat, shes also a sad ass vegan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-03 19:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10973832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cametha/pseuds/cametha
Summary: Lena is starting her second year at UC National City and doing her best to get out of her mother's grasp when she's assigned Alex Danvers as her roommate. Alex is pretty great, but god, that sister.





	1. waiting on the sun

**Author's Note:**

> So the title is stolen from the song almost woke you up which I think you should listen to not because it's vital to the fic it's just one of my favorite songs so do with that what you will okay lets read some gay stuff now

Lena sank slightly into the creaking, stiff mattress. You could say it was white if you hadn’t actually seen the color in a while, but the contrast between the sleeve of Lena’s bleached  button up and the yellowish tinge made it much clearer. Lena stared at the spot where her hand met the mattress as her finger absentmindedly traced the outline of a stain. She pulled away, slightly disgusted when she actually realized what she was doing. She tried her best to keep it off her face, but she felt the corner of her mouth tip down.

 

She looked up to the identical mattress across from her, save for the different array of  stains on that one. Like Lena, her new roommate was surrounded by boxes. Unlike Lena, her roommate had brought not only her family but two friends as well. All she had was the family driver dropping her off with an array of boxes.  Lena’s mother had gotten her a single room, but she was here to escape the influence of her mother. She’d done a last minute switch to a double in hopes that her mother couldn’t stop her.

 

Lena tried to remember her roommate’s name, something starting with an A. Abigail? Or it could be Alexis. She’d introduced herself in a bright voice when she’d arrived but she was lost in a sea of hugging and one bouncy blonde freshman.

 

Lena stood, pulling on her heels. She was in desperate need of something to eat, and UC National City had some of her favorite vegan restaurants. She had yanked the room’s stuck, squeaky door open when a voice called out behind her.

 

“Lena, right?”

 

She turned around, planting a smile on her face. It was a well practiced smile, a Luthor smile. It said _It’s okay_ , a smile to put on in front of cameras. Or in this case, your roommate’s mother. Lena wanted the mother of… Alison, maybe, to see her completely poised, something Lillian would want. She was miles away, but Lena couldn’t shake the feeling that her mother was right next to her, staring down at her about the slight wrinkle that stretched across her skirt. Lena smoothed out her skirt subconsciously.   _Escape_. She reminded herself. She was escaping.

 

“Yes, Ms…” Lena started, trailing off when she didn’t remember the last name of the woman in front of her either.

 

“Danvers,” the woman finished kindly, “don’t worry darling, I don’t remember yours either.” A silence sat between them when Lena didn’t offer her last name up to fill the blanks. She didn’t want to be a Luthor just yet.

 

“Smith,” she eventually blurted out, “I’m Lena Smith.”

 

Ms. Danvers squinted her eyes slightly looking at Lena, “you just look so familiar,” she said after a while.

 

“I get that a lot,” Lena replied quickly, “Must have a common face.”

 

“Well, I was about to take Alex and Kara out for burgers,” she started, and Lena actually locked her roommate’s name away this time, “do you want to come?”

 

Lena’s stomach churned at just the thought of a burger. She snuck a glance over at the two sisters hunched over a box in the corner. Alex was laughing at something that Kara said, or maybe something she did. The girl had her back to Lena but something in her ached to know. She almost said yes to a burger. Almost.

 

“Sorry, no,” Lena said, her eyes flicking back to the kind face in front of her, “I’m meeting some friends for lunch, but thanks for the offer.”

 

“Well I’m sure we’ll come by and see you again, Lena,” Ms. Danvers replied.

 

“Mom,” Alex called, “Can you help me with this box?”

 

Lena slipped out the door while Ms. Danvers had her back turned. The woman was nice and all, but she had to escape before she was asked questions about her not-so-real friends. In line at Green Planet, Lena caught the eye of a girl with light brown hair across the cafe. The girl gave her a smile, but Lena just quickly turned away with her heart moving just a bit to quick. Was the girl cute? Yes. Did Lena like girls? Yes. Was Lena out? No, not really. Lena didn’t want to be “the gay Luthor”. She barely wanted to be a Luthor, and if she was, she was just a Luthor who happened to think Supergirl looked really cute in her tights. Why did everyone have to know that?

 

Lena made her way back to the safety of her dorm, away from the prying eyes and whispers of her last name, of her brother’s name, or her mother’s. She heard Alex on the phone over the creaking of the door.

 

“Yes, yes Maggie,” Alex said as Lena shut the door quietly behind her, “I’ll be there, plus one.” Alex glanced over at Lena with a smile. Lena smiled back, or at least she tried. It might’ve looked more like a grimace this time. Her night of unloading boxes had never looked so unappealing, she thought she would at least be doing it alongside someone, even if that someone was basically a stranger.

 

Alex looked at her again, “Make that plus two, Maggie,” she added, “I’ve got to go, I’ll see you there.” Alex hung up the phone and let all her attention fall on Lena. “Any plans tonight?”

 

“No,” Lena said, maybe a bit too quickly, “nothing but boxes.”

 

“My sister and I are meeting my girlfriend at this party at some frat,” Alex said, “you want to come along?”

 

The words _girlfriend_ and _sister_ clashed for attention in her head. Girlfriend means her roommate is gay. Not that Lena wanted to make a move, it was just nice that Alex wouldn’t be uncomfortable with Lena being herself around her dorm. She could be safe from that here. Then there was the sister. If Kara was going, Lena wanted to go too. Something about Kara just drew Lena in, and she had no idea how. All she knew is that she wanted to be around the girl with the beautiful laugh and ethereal blonde hair.

 

“I’ll be there,” Lena said with a giddy smile and something in her heart she hadn’t felt in ages, making it race faster than it should. Lena reminded herself to be careful with these feelings, especially ones that came on so fast, but something told her it might be a little late for her to come to her senses now.


	2. holding the atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they're both bad liars and Kara is protective and Lena is a jealous mess.

The party was on Greek row, which Lena found just  _ delightful _ . The girl walking beside her had so much bounce in a step she seemed ready to lift right off the ground. That really was delightful. Some frat boys ran out in front of their group, shirtless and already wasted. Alex and Kara managed to sidestep them quickly but they blocked Lena’s path. She crossed her arms and planted her best glare across her face.

 

“You can’t pass!” one of the boys shouted, and Lena leaned away from his alcohol coated breath. She probably looked disgusted, and rightfully so.

 

“Too bad,” she said, “I’m going to.” Lena made a move to walk around him to Kara and Alex who had paused just past the boys to wait for her. They seemed almost like they were arguing, Kara incredibly insistent and Alex equally frustrated. Before she could get to hear what the fight was about, the second boy blocked her yet again.

 

“You aren’t going anywhere until you give me your number!” He yelled, just as loud and trashed as his friend. Fucking boys can’t spot a lesbian from a mile away. Lena was about to respond when the boy was shoved harshly out of the way by Kara. He was much taller and heavier, but Kara had no problem placing herself directly between him and Lena.

 

“She’s coming with us now,” Kara said sternly. She took Lena’s hand in a solid grip, something protective and soft at the same time.

 

“Dude,” she heard a third boy slur behind them, “That’s Lena fucking Luthor!” Lena’s stomach tightened, glancing between Alex and Kara to see if they’d heard, but Kara kept a firm arm wrapped around her shoulders and a soft look on her face.

 

“Lena,” she said quietly, and Lena’s heart jumped at the way Kara said her name. She didn’t even answer, she just stared wide eyed back at her ridiculously. “Lena, are you okay?” Kara stopped them walking and turned Lena to face her, looking her up and down like she was panicked she could just shatter. Lena may not be what you call emotionally stable, but she’d be damned if she was going to break next to a Phi Theta Kappa house.

 

“Yeah,” she finally managed to say, “I’m totally fine.” Kara pulled her back against her side protectively.

 

“You’re safe with us,” she said tenderly. Lena felt her heart hit her chest when Kara smiled up at her. They stayed like this the rest of the way to the house, Lena secure against Kara, completely safe even though in her heels the girl was a bit shorter than her.

 

When they went through the door, Alex grabbed Kara’s hand and dragged her over to a girl Lena could only assume was Maggie. Kara stole an anxious glance back at Lena as she was pulled into the swarm of people until Lena could barely see her save for a flash of blonde hair. This girl was the whole reason Lena was at this damn party in the first place, and now here she was by the door sandwiched between a group of guys hollering about something and a clump of girls who looked just as nervous as Lena felt. She pulled at her skirt to straighten it out. How did she manage to feel so cold and so hot at the same time? Everything felt too close around her, she made yet another mental reminder to never go to a party again.

 

Lena was just about to turn around and leave, already planning the excuse she’d give Alex later, when she heard a light voice coming from the crowd.

 

“Excuse me? I said excuse me! Will you all just let me get through here,” Kara was yelling from inside the crowd. She finally broke through the wall of people that had been separating them and immediately she was beaming at Lena. Lena felt herself smiling back affectionately, all the discomfort she had a moment ago forgotten.

 

“I found you!” Kara yelled excitedly over the music, two red cups in hand. She handed one to Lena excitedly, sloshing it out a bit in her urgency. Lena took it out of her hand, biting her lip to hold back a giggle.

 

“I’m very glad you found me,” Lena said genuinely. Kara’s eyes darted around the room, landing on a couch far away from the speakers.

 

“Can we go over there?” she asked.

 

“Of course,” Lena replied and Kara quickly had her hand again, pulling her through the cluster of people.

 

They settled into the cushions, Kara situating herself between Lena and the rest of the world. Lena leaned against the couch’s armrest, taking a big sip out of her cup to calm some of her nerves. It was disgusting, but at least it was alcohol.

 

“I never really introduced myself. Kara Danvers, Alex’s little sister,” Kara said, extending a hand out to her. Lena barely held back another laugh. Was it not obvious she knew exactly who Kara was?

 

“Lena Smith,” she replied, remembering the alias. She really didn’t want to scare Kara off before they’d even finished introductions.

 

“Well, Lena Smith,” Kara said in a way Lena could almost swear was flirty, “What are you studying?” A lip bite from Kara. Oh god oh god oh god.

 

“Aeronautical engineering,” Lena replied and Kara stared blankly back at her. “For me it really is rocket science,” she added with a laugh. Kara joined her, making Lena’s heart jump.

 

“That’s um... wow, I mean, rockets! That’s uh, geez…” Kara stammered. It was completely adorable, Lena was ready to completely blow it and just kiss her. She moved her hand up to the side of Kara’s face to pull her in, but suddenly panicked. In the second between the time her hand left the couch and the moment it gingerly met Kara’s face, a million awful scenarios all crossed her mind. One look into Kara’s too wide eyes, and Lena quickly pushed a piece of Kara’s hair behind her ear before bringing her hand to her lap so forcefully it landed with a smack. Lena turned her face away to hide the redness of her cheeks.

 

“It, uh, fell out of place,” Lena tried to cover up her momentary slip in control. Stealing a glance at Kara she was quickly reminded that the girl had let her hair down for the party. So much for that excuse. Kara didn’t seem to notice at all, she just shoved her glasses up her nose and stared at her lap. Lena was the first to break the silence.

 

“Uh, how about your major?” she asked, slightly awkwardly. Kara’s eyes lit up instantly, and her giant smile returned, causing Lena to smile right back.

 

“Journalism!” she said excitedly. Kara launched into a monologue about a news story from a few years ago, and Lena tried to listen, she really did. But the way Kara told a story just took all Lena’s attention up. From the crinkle in her brow when the story got intense, to the flailing of her arms because she just couldn’t contain her passion, no story would ever be as good as watching her tell it. Eventually, Kara stopped and went to take a sip of her drink, but it was empty. Lena’s had been empty for what felt like ages, but she hadn’t wanted to leave the couch. Now, with Kaara staring at her empty cup, seemed like the right time to get a little more.

 

“I’ll go get us more,” Lena offered, “You wait here.” Kara nodded back at her happily and Lena hurried through the crowd to get the drinks, but when she came back to the couch, Kara was replaced by a couple who’d completely forgotten they were in public. Lena turned in a circle, searching the crowd. Lena saw Alex alone against the wall and pushed her way to her.

 

“Hey,” Lena said and Alex met her with a smile, “Have you seen Kara?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Alex said, “She left with this guy Mike.”

 

Left with a guy. Kara left with a guy. A guy named Mike. For a genius, it was taking Lena far too long to put this together. In the five minutes it took Lena to get beer, someone had stolen Kara away from the party, and from her. Lena wasn’t stupid, she knew what it really meant to leave a party with someone. She felt her face getting hot, but she wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or anger. She was still standing in front of Alex holding two cups when apparently, she only needed one. She spotted the brunette from the cafe across the room, and glanced from her to the two cups she was holding. Fuck her worries about being the gay Luthor.

 

Lena made her way over to the girl and handed her the other cup before downing hers without taking a breath. This wasn’t the night to be anywhere near sober.

 

Later that night, Lena nuzzled herself deeper into the covers, just ready to be asleep already. She was almost there when she heard her roommate on the phone. The worst part, was that she recognized Kara’s voice on the other end.

 

“Did you take care of him?” Alex asked. Kara’s end of the conversation was too muffled for Lena to hear. “No, Kara it’s safe to talk about, she’s asleep… Please she had way too much to drink she’s definitely asleep…. Yeah, she ended up making out with like three different girls at the party, it was actually pretty amazing… Kara please stop focusing on the party you missed out on and tell me if you kicked his ass already…. Okay good… No, I’m not answering any more questions about Lena… Go to bed, Kara. Goodnight.”

  
Alex hung up the phone and Lena stayed in her rigid position she’d been in since the call started. If she was being optimistic she’d say Kara was worried, or maybe even jealous. Lena was hurt and she did some stupid things, Kara was just probably shocked. Maybe she was upset she missed the party. Lena could barely keep her eyes open, let alone overanalyze. She drifted off, but she kept thinking about how she’d felt almost kissing Kara tonight, and how in all the kissing she did, she didn’t manage to find anything close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway they're complete disasters but I love them and I'd love to hear what you think! ♡♡♡♡


	3. lost our way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's a jealous mess and Lena is a straight up mess and I stan them hope you do too ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has been changed from Teen to Mature, just making sure you all notice in case you’re uncomfortable reading that!

The first time Lena woke up, she was sure she was fine. Maybe it was the fact that her head was still a little fuzzy, or maybe it was just that she wasn’t really awake yet. Either way, Lena thought she’d gotten lucky this time, at least in one way. Maybe both ways. She was only in her bra and underwear, but she couldn’t really remember how that happened and didn’t have the energy to try.

 

She didn’t even realize she’d fallen back asleep but she sure as hell noticed the difference when she woke up. Her mouth was so dry she was sure she was sick. Lena had started an internal monologue whining about how it was just her luck to get sick the second day when she remembered with heart stopping accuracy what had happened last night. The flu wasn’t the culprit, it was mixing cheap liquor and cheaper beer. Lena opened her eyes, squinting even though the dorm’s window was blocked by blinds. She let out a small groan, closing her eyes again as pain flashed through her head.

 

“I put some water by your bed,” Alex told her, and Lena made a mental note that her roommate was a blessing. Not only would she take care of a hungover roommate, but without her she might not have met Kara at all.

 

Oh god. Oh no. All it took was one thought of Kara to remind her of how she’d fucked up any chance at that last night. Kara had probably pushed the idea of a relationship beyond repair first, being straight and all, but Lena had a talent for smashing that last little bit of hope. Lena downed the water like taking away her symptoms could wash away what she’d done.

 

After giving the beer - _Kara’s beer_ \- to the girl, uh Megan, it all went downhill from there. It was completely self destructive, who washes down shitty beer with bad whiskey? Lena does. Megan too, apparently. There was too much happening at once, Kara had been the only reason she was at the damn party in the first place and now she was here with no interest in anything except losing all that in a few drinks and a few girls.

 

It had started with Megan. Megan was sloppy kisses and breath laced with too much whiskey. She had Lena beneath her on the couch, undoing the buttons on her shirt until you could see her bra. Megan hitched her hands under Lena’s skirt, moving it up her legs but not fucking touching her. Megan traced her way from Lena’s mouth to the top of her bra in clumsy kisses, but it got the job done and Lena craned her head back wanting Megan to do _more more more_. She might’ve been saying it out loud even because Megan’s hand was more subtly moving up her skirt again, but this time she was interrupted by a drunk boy crashing into the couch where they were and Megan’s hand was gone faster than she could beg for her to stay. Megan quickly jumped off of Lena and she closed her eyes, trying not to think about Kara being in this spot moments before.

 

Eventually, Lena got up to pee and get her wits about her. Her red lipstick was smeared in a Harley Quinn fashion and she spent forever rubbing it away and buttoning her shirt back up. She left the bathroom looking somewhat put together with the intentions of leaving, she really did, but she still hadn’t lost the reminder of rejection with Megan. That was where she met Sofía in a little frat house hallway. Sofía was chaste kisses and frantic glances to make sure they weren’t caught. She was soft hands untucking Lenas shirt and making their way up to just where Lena wanted her. Sofía let her hands skim quickly over Lena’s bra as she just leaned against the wall Sofía had her pressed against, trying to keep her balance. Sofía scared easily, though, and her hands and kisses were gone as quickly as they appeared. By the time Lena steadied her breathing and opened her eyes, she was just gone.

 

This time, Lena really stumbled out the door with the objective of getting home before meeting yet another girl to drown herself in. Alice made eye contact with Lena the second she tripped out the door. She didn’t even remember how she ended up here, but she knew she ended up pressed against the side of the house with her shirt unbuttoned all the way, and the other girl wasn’t wearing one at all anymore. Every kiss Alice gave was intentional, every kiss got some response from Lena, and Lena was just dying for what she’d been after all night. She wanted to lose herself in another girl until she forgot how it felt to be that close to Kara’s lips. She just needed this girl for a little while, just until she forgot how Kara’s breath smelled like flowers and sugar and how her cheeks flushed on contact and _oh god_ how could she forget when the feeling of almost kissing Kara beat the reality of kissing any girl at this party.

 

The red and blue lights broke her out of her thoughts and Alice whispered curses throwing her clothes on. Lena’s clumsy hands sloppily buttoned her shirt and her stomach already churned with regret as she made herself presentable to go out to the front of the house. Lena took off the heels she’d managed to stay upright in to avoid tripping in front of the cops just around the corner. When she made her way over to start the walk back to the dorm - _what dorm again?_ \- she was intercepted by a protective grip on her arm. _Kara_.

 

“No, it’s Alex,” her roommate said behind her. Holy shit did she say that out loud?

 

Lena remembered asking Alex to get them home, and the next thing she knew she was curled up in bed, taking off her clothes to be more comfortable. That’s why she had so little on, nothing indecent at all. At least this time. Clearly her decisions the last night weren’t the best if the throbbing in her head and the overwhelming regret in the pit of her stomach were any indication. There was also a need for a grilled cheese. Nothing sounded better for this hangover than greasy cheese and carbs, but Green Planet was too damn healthy to sell vegan grilled cheese and Lena was not in a state to drag herself to the store. Or put on clothes.

 

Someone was knocking at the door too hard and too fast for her head. Lena was ready to bury herself back under the covers with unhealthy food and try to forget all about how Kara had looked so close, how fucking beautiful. She covered her face in her hands like she could wipe away the memories. She was practically hearing Kara’s voice in her head now. Either that or Kara was in the middle of her dorm, and Lena really wasn’t sure which one was first. She opened her eyes to see Alex looking frustrated, whispering harshly toward a mess of blonde curls in a ponytail. Lena silently thanked Alex for making sure she got her makeup off last night so she didn’t look like a complete mess. Alex noticed Lena looking at them and quickly stopped, nudging Kara to shut her up too. Kara followed to where Alex was looking and made eye contact with Lena. She propped herself up in the bed and swept her hair over one shoulder to face the two sisters.

 

“How are you doing?” Alex asked.

 

Lena let out a curt laugh. “Not my best,” she said in a scratchy voice.

 

“So,” Kara said roughly, “I hear _you_ had fun last night.” She had her arms crossed and was staring down where Lena lay. Kara's arms looked great crossed, she seemed so strong - not the time. Lena was suddenly hyper aware of all the skin she showed in this position and pulled her blanket around her front.

 

“You could say that,” she said, her unmerited annoyance and jealousy laced through her words.

 

“Lena you really can’t just kiss every girl-” Kara started.

 

“Yes I can,” Lena said cut her off. Damn Kara Danvers. Damn her for judging her, and damn her for not feeling the same. She would not sit her and take judgement from _Kara Danvers_ right now. “You left with that guy,” she said trying to sound nonchalant, as if she didn’t know his name. As if she hadn’t cursed his name seven times today.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kara said angrily, and Lena realized she would be happy to just watch her tell stories or hours on end. The expressions she made were so golden it was hard to stay angry.

 

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Lena said, making sure Kara didn’t realize that the whole motive was unadulterated jealousy. It had _everything_ to do with Mike.

 

“Are you judging me?” Kara asked incredulously.

 

“Aren’t you?” Lena retorted.

 

“Well as a matter of fact I didn’t even-” Kara started, but Alex elbowed her and stopped. Kara took a deep breath, closing her eyes and tightening the ponytail. When she opened her eyes she seemed calmer, almost resigned. “Yes, yes I left with Mike,” she said, looking like it was hard for her to say. It didn’t make Lena feel any better to hear out loud.

 

“I thought so,” she said bitterly.

 

“I’m not doing this,” Kara said. She gave Alex a look, pained and furious at the same time, before marching right out the door. Lena flopped back against the bed, pulling the covers over her head. Grilled cheese might not fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gay asses so I’ve never had a hangover, or gone to a University, or even drank before so thank you chloeniccole from chloeniccole.tumblr.com for all the info in this chapter hope it’s realistic!


End file.
